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And introducing...

You know the moment – you go to a large meeting or training course, and the chairperson starts with: “I think it would be helpful if we all said a few words about who we are, where we’re from and why we’re here today.”

Do you listen carefully to what the six people in front of you have to say? Do you heck! You’re too busy composing your little introductory speech. And so when the chap who spoke first makes a point, you have no idea what organisation he represents, because you weren't listening when he introduced himself!

So next time you’re in an introduce-yourself-round the-table situation, try this:

• listen to everyone else, rather than preparing your own soundbite as others speak...
• ...and listen without judging people by what they say
• compose your introduction only when you get to your turn
• what did you observe about the quality of your own introduction?
• what did you observe about your understanding of the meeting?

Silence is golden – and very persuasive

Have you ever seen one of those sales presentations that has all the bases covered? Everything you need to know – and plenty more you don’t – gets a mention. In Technicolor detail. Before you can even think up all your objections, the presenter has helpfully anticipated them, and has every earthly objection listed and countered. There is absolutely no reason not to buy his product.

Do you buy it?

No, not always. In fact, rarely.

Why is that, then? The salesman did everything he could to help you buy it, surely?

Well, he did everything except let you think about it. Think in your own time and on your own terms. He gave you everything … except silence.

Non-aggressive silence is a powerful tool in persuasion. It lets the other person think and lets them decide the order in which they would like to hear about the different aspects of your idea. Here’s how to use it:

1. Outline your idea to the other person very briefly – within three or four interesting sentences.
2. Be silent.
3. Let the other person ask a question about your idea.
4. Answer that question.
5. Be silent.
6. Repeat - until the deal is done. The idea will come out in stages, to suit the other person's information needs.
7. If you meet with objections, don't panic and revert to "broadcast" mode. Remember the Italian proverb: "He who criticises, buys". Criticism may well just be some thinking-out-loud by the other person. Settle the objections: and be silent.

Thinking It Through

Here's an exercise to help you get a better result from important conversations. If you want a result when it matters, there's huge benefit in thinking it through first.

This page is laid out for printing - if you like, print it out and jot down your ideas.

List three important people in your life (e.g. boss, daughter, customer). Think about the next significant conversation you will have with that person.

Person 1 is.....
What will you have to say/not say in order to be honest, useful and sensitive to their perspective?

Say                                                                       Not say

Are you prepared to do that?

Person 2 is.....
What will you have to say/not say in order to be honest, useful and sensitive to their perspective?

Say                                                                       Not say

Are you prepared to do that?

Person 3 is.....
What will you have to say/not say in order to be honest, useful and sensitive to their perspective?

Say                                                                       Not say

Are you prepared to do that?

We're writing a book! All our best ideas and techniques are going into "tlc – A Self-Coaching Kit". Click here for a preview and some techniques you can try for yourself.

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Do you find there's never enough time to stop and think? Would you like some help thinking through plans for your organisation? Find out about ARK's next executive retreats here:

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